Friendship for men
Looking for real friendship as a man?
You’re not imagining it. Making real friends gets harder after school, after the kids, after the move, after the divorce. Most men have people around them. Fewer have anyone they can actually talk to.
You are not alone.
“One night the pain of loneliness was so intense that I went on line and started doing searches for guys who are looking for genuine friendships or guys wanting to be intentional etc.
After sifting through searches and ignoring the dating sites and ‘be a real tough guy’ sites, I came across connect’d men.”
What this is
Men who meet to talk honestly, and listen.
Connect'd Men is a free peer community. Small groups of men meet regularly, in person in a few towns and online for everyone else, to slow down, say how they’re really doing, and hear other men do the same.
The same men keep showing up, week after week. That’s where friendship comes from: not from one big conversation, but from being in the same room, honestly, again and again. Proximity isn’t connection. Presence is.
What this isn’t
- Not a dating siteThis is about friendship between men. Nothing else.
- Not a tough-guy programNobody here will tell you to man up, grind harder or buy a course.
- Not therapyIt’s men supporting men, with a facilitator holding the space.
- Not a performanceYou can sit and listen as long as you like. No one has to have it figured out.
The honest answer
How men actually make real friends
There’s no trick to it, but there is a pattern. Researchers who study friendship keep finding the same things: it takes time together, it takes regular contact, and it takes going a little deeper than work and sports.
- Go where the same men show up again and again. One event rarely makes a friend. The same faces, at the same time, every week or two, does. A study by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas estimated it takes around 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, and many more to become close.
- Have a reason to talk about more than the weather. Men often bond side by side, over a job or a game. That’s good, but it can stay on the surface for years. Friendship deepens when someone says something true and the other man doesn’t flinch.
- Go first, a little. Say how your week actually went. It gives the other man permission to do the same.
- Follow up. A text the next day (“good talking last night”) does more than it seems.
- Give it a season, not a night. Most men want to quit after the first awkward evening. The ones who come back a few more times are the ones who end up with friends.
A Connect'd Men gathering is built around all five: the same men, a regular time, a format that makes it easier to go deeper, and nobody keeping score.
Where to start
Find a gathering
Pick the one nearest you, or join online from anywhere. One short form saves your spot, and you’ll get a reminder the day before. Not sure? Join our newsletter and you can stay up to date on what we’ve got going on.
- Connect’d Men Connect'd Reads
- Langley, BC Langley
- Red Deer, AB Red Deer
- Williams Lake, BC Williams Lake
- Online Virtual
Not sure where you stand? The free Connection Quiz takes about four minutes.
Questions men ask first
Is Connect'd Men a dating or hook-up site?
No. Connect'd Men is a community of men who meet to talk honestly about their lives and listen to each other. It’s about friendship and connection, nothing else.
Is this one of those “be a real man” programs?
No. Nobody here is going to tell you to toughen up, hustle harder or sell you a course. The gatherings are a place to slow down and be honest, not to perform.
Do I have to talk?
No. You’re welcome to sit and listen for as long as you like. Many men do at first. When you’re ready to share, the space will be there.
Does it cost anything?
No. Gatherings are free, and so is creating an account.
What if there’s no gathering near me?
Join online. Our online gathering is open to men anywhere in Canada, and it follows the same format as every in-person chapter. See the online men’s group.
Is it therapy?
No. It’s a peer community: men supporting men, with a trained facilitator holding the space. It isn’t a clinical service, and it works well alongside one.