I’ve been hiding behind my “badges of honor.”
Most people look at my life—the TEDx talks, the 200-mile ultramarathons, the book—and see a man who lives outside his comfort zone. But I have a secret: I’ve become comfortable with the grand discomfort. It’s the small things that are currently defeating me.
This year, I am committing to doing more things that make me uncomfortable. Most of us who are on a path of lifelong learning accept that growth happens outside our comfort zone. But when was the last time we actually audited what our comfort zone looks like today?
I take pride in doing many things that most people find very uncomfortable:
- 3 TEDx talks
- 100 and 200-mile ultramarathons
- Writing a book
- Facilitating a men’s group and a grief support group
- Hosting a podcast for the Canadian Men’s Health Foundation
- Starting the Love Letter to Men conference
These are my badges of honor. But lately, I’ve realized that I’ve become comfortable with this “grand” discomfort. The adrenaline of a race or a stage is a known quantity.
But there is a different, quieter kind of discomfort I’ve been avoiding—the kind that research shows many of us are struggling with in silence. Recent data from the Canadian Men’s Health Foundation and 2025 surveys highlight a “silent crisis”: nearly half of men keep financial secrets from their partners out of shame, and 40% feel socially isolated because of financial stress.
We often think of “health” as physical or mental, but financial transparency is a massive, often overlooked pillar of a man’s well-being.
When I looked at my own life, I saw the “Mundane Uncomfortables” I was avoiding to protect my ego:
- Budgeting: Facing the actual numbers instead of hiding behind the “provider” mask.
- Rejection: Risking a “failed” launch instead of protecting my ego by staying quiet.
- Minor Conflict: Addressing a boundary in real-time instead of calling my avoidance “compromise.”
As a man, it’s often easier to run 200 miles than it is to have a 10-minute honest conversation about a boundary or a bank statement.
There are a few more, far more personal ones that I will leave to your imagination. As I reflect, I realize that it is not the “things” I avoid, but rather an effort to avoid the emotions those things bring up.
One of my favourite coaching questions is this: “What is that keeping you safe from?”
So if one of your objectives as we head into the new year is to do things that you have not done, rather than asking yourself, “How do I do the thing?” ask yourself, “What feeling am I protecting myself from by not doing the thing?”
When you can answer that question and learn to sit with the feeling, the “thing”—the budget, the talk, the conflict—loses its power over you.
Resources & Taking Action
- Practice Sitting With the Feeling: If the “Mundane Uncomfortables” I mentioned resonated with you, don’t sit in that silence alone. We built the Connect’d Men’s Group specifically as a practice ground for this. Join the next Connect’d session here.
- Deep Dive into the Data: For those who want to understand the “Silent Crisis” better, the Canadian Men’s Health Foundation has incredible resources. Explore CMHF Research.
- What is your “Mundane Uncomfortable?” I’d love to hear from you. Send us a private message and tell me: What is one “small” thing you’ve been avoiding? I read every response.
