When was the last time you looked in the mirror—literally or figuratively—and felt frustration rise? That inner critic in your head, pointing out flaws, measuring your worth, and comparing you to a past version of yourself or some unattainable ideal? Most of us have faced it, and it’s a heavy weight to carry.
Recently, I had one of those moments. I returned to my home yoga studio after years of practicing at home. When I am at my best, Yoga is a cornerstone of my well-being, especially during the most challenging times in my life. But as I stood in front of the mirror in that hot room, I struggled. My body wasn’t where I wanted it to be—I’d gained weight and lost the balance I used to have. My poses wavered. The loud, critical voice in my head told me I wasn’t good enough, that I’d slipped, that I wasn’t “the man” I used to be.
But here’s the thing: strength isn’t about perfection. It’s about how we show up, especially when we feel like we’re not enough.
I remembered my intention from our last Connect’d Men meeting: to practice curiosity and nonjudgment—not just with others, but with myself. I had to take a breath and consciously step out of the judgment spiral. I reminded myself: This is where I am right now, and that’s okay. I’m taking steps forward, and that effort matters.
This practice of self-compassion—letting go of the inner critic and showing ourselves kindness—is one that men often overlook. Many of us have been taught to equate strength with toughness, stoicism, and “fixing” things. But true strength is found in the courage to be vulnerable, to recognize that imperfection is part of being human, and to treat ourselves with the same grace we might extend to a friend.
My acceptance of where I was at, wasn’t resignation—it was a reminder that I am showing up and taking steps toward where I want to go.
Kristen Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, offers a framework that’s especially powerful for men:
- Self-Kindness: Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a brother or a close friend—encouraging, not tearing down. What would you say to him if he came to you with the same struggles?
- Common Humanity: Understand that imperfection is part of being a man, of being human. We all stumble. You’re not alone in this, no matter how isolated you might feel.
- Mindfulness: Notice what’s happening inside without letting it take over. Recognize the self-criticism, but don’t let it define you. Observe and reset.
For men, this can feel like foreign territory. But let me ask you this: What if strength isn’t about muscling through or beating yourself into submission, but instead about standing in your truth with compassion and self-respect?
The next time you catch yourself in judgment—whether it’s about your body, your career, or your relationships—pause. Remind yourself that you’re a work in progress. Strength isn’t just in the destination; it’s in showing up for the journey.
If you want to dive deeper into this, I highly recommend Kristen Neff’s work on self-compassion. It’s not about being soft; it’s about being whole.
So, brothers, let’s shift the narrative. Let’s redefine what strength means—not as a hard shell, but as the courage to face ourselves, scars and all, with honesty and kindness.
Here’s to showing up—for ourselves and for each other.
