Let’s be honest. As men, many of us struggle with emotions. We either bottle them up or let them spill out in ways we regret. I’ve been there more than once.
Peter Drucker was a renowned business management expert. The quote, “What gets measured gets managed,” is often attributed to him. In business, he is talking about the importance of knowing your numbers and understanding your business metrics. After all, if we don’t track the different facets of our business, it is impossible to manage them effectively.
I’ve been reflecting on this concept a lot lately. I have noticed that many of us, yes, me included, tend to shy away from measuring the things we are afraid of.
In terms of our physical health, we often avoid stepping on that scale to measure our weight. While weight is far from the be-all and end-all concerning physical health, it is an excellent example of avoiding measuring things because we fear what we will discover.
The apparent problem in this scenario is that if we don’t measure it, it becomes easier to ignore (the whole point of not measuring), and the more we ignore, the worse it becomes.
So, if you have some things in your life that you would like to change, this begs a few questions.
What in your life would you like to change?
- How do you quantify that thing? Is it objective or subjective?
- When was the last time you measured it?
- Do you have a system in place to monitor your results regularly?
Let’s assume you want to change your financial situation.
- Do you have a budget? (yeah, I know that word makes me cringe too)
- Do you know exactly what your net income is?
- Do you know exactly what your regular expenditures are?
Without knowing your numbers, it really is not likely that you will make any changes, and as a result, you will keep on doing what you are doing and keep on getting what you are getting.
With Awareness Comes Choice
When you know the truth of a situation and stop ignoring it, you can now make an informed decision to create some change.
My Example
I have recently set out a goal of building a “Bon Jovi Body”, a fitness goal requiring a lot of hard work and dedication to bring it to fruition. However, I don’t know what needs to change to reach my desired objective without measuring where I am now. It’s like trying to drive a car while legally blind. You can move forward, but the chances of a crash are pretty significant.
While this project may be more obsessive than many are interested in pursuing, it is an excellent example of this concept in practice.
To get started, I purchased a Hume Body Pod scale that tracks weight and several other biometrics, including percentage of lean mass and body fat. I took a tape measure and measured the following: Bicep, Waist, Hips, Thighs, Calves and Chest. My Garmin Enduro watch has a history of my resting heart rate, basal metabolic rate, and historical sleep scores.
Once I measured these metrics, I had a starting point and a methodology for systematically monitoring my progress. The next thing I needed to do was devise a system of tracking my nutrition intake and my activities. My Garmin watch already tracks my fitness activities. I needed a way to track my caloric intake. For that, I chose Cronometer. The free version was enough to track what I need, but I bought the Gold version for some upgrades.
With a system in place to measure my results over time and another system to measure the variables I would require to change my results, the rest became pretty easy.
If you have followed me for any length of time, you know that I spend a lot of time in the Men’s Mental Health space. I started to wonder how we measure our mental and emotional well-being as men. Is this something that gets measured, or is it ignored?
Just as with our finances or physical health, ignoring our emotional state means we lose the opportunity to manage it effectively. While it might feel less tangible, our mental and emotional well-being can be measured and understood. The key is being intentional.
Tips to Measure Your Mental and Emotional Fitness
Measuring our mental and emotional well-being isn’t as straightforward as tracking calories or body fat percentage, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. The key is being intentional. Here are a few ways I’ve found helpful for keeping tabs on what’s going on inside:
1. Daily Mood Check-In (Journalling)
At the end of the day, rate your mood from 1 to 10. It only takes a few seconds, and over time, you’ll start to see patterns in how you’re feeling and what might be influencing it. If you want to up your game, then spend 15 minutes or so and journal your thoughts and feelings.
2. Name Your Emotions (Name it to Tame it)
Most of us default to words like “fine,” “tired,” or “stressed,” but there’s often more going on beneath the surface. Try to be more specific. Are you feeling anxious, lonely, peaceful, angry, ashamed, or hopeful? The more accurately you can name it, the better you can understand it.
The Science behind it: Check out Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work on Emotional Granularity.
3. Connection Check
Once a week, ask yourself: How connected did I feel to other people? Did I spend time with people I care about? Did I open up to anyone? Feeling disconnected is often an early sign that something needs attention. Check out my Connection Assessment Tool.
4. Stress Signal Awareness
Start noticing how your body responds to stress. Do your shoulders tighten? Do you shut down emotionally? Do you get irritable? Keep a simple log of when these things show up. These signals are your early warning signs.
5. Use the SOAR Framework
This is a quick and powerful way to check in with yourself.
- Slow Down: Did I take time to pause instead of rushing through the day?
- Open Up / Observe: What emotions or thoughts did I notice?
- Accept: Was I honest about my feelings, or did I push them away?
- Reconnect: Did I reach out to someone, or take time for myself meaningfully?
6. Track Your Time in Stillness
Whether it’s journaling, sitting in silence, going for a walk without your phone, or doing breathwork, write down how much time you spent in stillness each week. Stillness helps us feel, and feeling is part of healing.
7. Weekly Truth Check
Ask yourself: What truth about my life or myself did I avoid this week? And what truth was I willing to face? It can be uncomfortable, but honesty with yourself is where real growth starts.
Final Thought
Just like with physical health or finances, if we don’t measure it, we’re more likely to ignore it. And when we ignore it, things tend to drift in the wrong direction. Start with one or two of these. Build a rhythm. And remember, the more honest you are with yourself, the more power you have to create change.
I’d love to hear which of these resonates most with you, or what strategies you’ve found effective. Drop a comment and let me know.
